Happy Tuesday!!

Just been chasing peace and lost focus. I was looking for peace and ran into pain. I was looking for peace and ran into loneliness. I can admit, loneliness has been the most deepest pain I felt on this journey so far. I didn't realize it was that emotion until recently.... damn. I also noticed it was triggered by several painful events that led to today. One event that unconsciously happened is my niece's graduation party that took place in Maryland. Imagine all my siblings there and I didn't know about it. Two weeks after that, July 1st, I drop my son off in Virgina to be with his dad for the rest of the summer. My son never left me for more than 2 days, so now my house is really weird, but it didn't hit me right away; I realized when I came home from an evening out, every room was empty, not one kid to share my bar food with and talk about the day. I cried the loudest hardest cry that I've ever felt that night, I screamed to be free of guilt and loneliness, I cried myself to sleep. The pain I've been feeling in my chest the last week finally went away... that was 3 days ago. I learned a lot, one being stop chasing peace and be peace, it's much easier.