Grief has a way of sneaking up on you, that song, that snap memory of your loved one's smile, the movie of all the happy moments that plays in your head, as the tears roll down and my energy shifts. I cry so comfortably in front of the baby (my 20-month-old), and she hugs me and gives me kisses in that moment. Now crying around my 11-year-old son is a different story, as he only hears my cries in the wee hours of the night, when the house is silent and I'm safe to release my pain in the comfort of my bed. When they say we pass our trauma to our kids, it can be interpreted in so many ways, and I believe this is one of them. I have no guilt in the way I grieve. And I know everyone can't handle me when that wave of grief hits me, so If I ever cried on your shoulder, I felt safe with you, in that moment and I thank you for that. I have to show gratitude daily as it helps remind me that the Universe has always had my back, just like those gut feelings telling me "No", that's the Universe having my back :)
As I type this, I can't help but to notice this piece of mail labeled "Victim Witness", in that letter is a date for a bond reduction, for the boy indicted in Amya's murder, his bond is currently set at 750k. I'll open it another day. Today was a great day.
Comments