Just want to piggyback off the passing down trauma. I know boys/men aren't as emotional and tend to suppress their emotions more than woman. When I'm grieving, I hide it from my son, will this wire him to do that as well? I mean, we all know parents help shape their child's personalities. Being more self-aware led me to do more research on suppressing
your emotions around your child/partner and the adverse effects. This one stood out the most, the link is listed below.
"Rather than suppressing emotions in front of your children, Waters suggests the best course of action is to let kids see a healthy conflict, from start to resolution.
“Let them see the whole trajectory,” she said. “That helps kids learn to regulate their own emotions and solve problems. They see that problems can get resolved. It’s best to let the kids know you feel angry and tell them what you’re going to do about it to make the situation better.”'
This artlicle helps give me dialogue on how to apporach my 11 year old son. I've been practicing what to say, it'll go something like this.
"Mommy is sad about Amya today, it's not a sadness every day but some nights when I can't sleep I feel safe to cry, its healthy for me to cry at night when everyone is sleep because I don't want you to worry, nor do i want to keep my sadness in. To make me feel better, I'll be going to the park or maybe the indoor pool at the gym, want to join me?"
This conversation is so needed, because I was raised only seeing toxic conflicts and no resolution.... basically, an argument/fight then the next thing i know my mom is smiling again. I thought arguing and yelling was a normal way to resolve conflict, boy was i wrong. To put everything full circle for you all, showing positive and negative emotions, then explaining them and the resolution to your child can build a stronger bond and help them to regulate their own emotions and solve problems. Ultimately, losing Amya wasn't my lost, it was OUR lost.
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